Friday, 20 April 2012

3.26 on the 19th

Yesterday my Dad was cremated and the day ended up being absolutely nothing like I expected it to be. I didn't really think that many people would turn up, but turn up they did. And with the greatest respect in the world, what a motley crew they were. In fact it all held a striking resemblance to an episode of only fools and horses.

When the vicar didn't show up. I asked the hearse driver if this happened very often and he told me me had never know it before. He then went on to pull a book from his inside pocket and proudly announced he would be happy to have a go. At one point he came running out with the news the vicar had turned up but alas this proved to be a false alarm.

As the service got under way I couldn't help thinking my old man would have been laughing his head off and that made me smile, it made me smile a lot and I found myself feeling great full for the chance to laugh at myself. The whole thing went off really well and the old boy got a really cool send off.

With that and all the various good-bys done we headed off home stopping off at the old folks home to pick up the last of his things. He had very little there but when I opened a bed side draw and noticed his watch, I thought that'll be nice to keep. Picking it up I notice the second hand was not going round. I checked my watch and the time was 3.26, the same time as my Dads watch. 3.26 on the 19th. My watch ticked on but his had stopped fast at 3.26. At the time I didn't think that much about it but latter when I told Michelle she said maybe he was waiting for you. I like that and maybe, just maybe, he was.  

Thursday, 5 April 2012

R.I.P Dad.

When the phone rings at 2.30am you can be fairly sure it's not gona be great news and this was for sure the case this morning. With a freshly stubbed toe I called the number back to be told my Dad had died an hour earlier. As things stand I'm not even really sure how I feel about the whole thing, or even if it matters how I feel right now.

What I do believe to be a fact is that my dear old Dad was well and truly done. For him a pint and a cigarette were just about all he asked from life and he couldn't have either any more.  From my point of view I find myself so very thankful to have a wife who pestered me into tracking him down a few years ago. Because of this he got to meet his third grand son Jack, and I got to have a few years I never thought I'd have with my Dad. In truth, it's been a pretty cool deal and it turned out he was a pretty cool Dad.

Monday, 2 April 2012

12 Step Prayers

God, Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind, Spirit of Nature or Spirit of the Universe my name is ______, and I'm a real alcoholic ... and I need your help today. (p. 10 BB)

2nd STEP
God, I'm standing at the turning point right now. Give me your protection and care as I abandon myself to you and give up my old ways and my old ideas just for today. AMEN (p. 59 BB)

3rd STEP
"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" (p. 63 BB)

4th STEP
"I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure." (p.13)

"This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." (p. 67 BB)

5th STEP
God I thank you from the bottom of my heart that I know you better. Help me become aware of anything I have omitted discussing with another person. Help me to do what is necessary to walk a free man at last. AMEN (p. 75 BB)

6th STEP
God help me become willing to let go of all the things to which I still cling. Help me to be ready to let You remove all of these defects, that Your will and purpose may take their place. AMEN (p. 76 BB)

7th STEP
"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." (p. 76 BB)

8th STEP
"We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes." (p. 76 BB)

9th STEP
God give me the strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the consequences may be. Help me to consider others and not harm them in any way. Help me to consult with others before I take any actions that would cause me to be sorry. Help me to not repeat such behaviors. Show me the way of Patience, Tolerance, Kindliness, and Love and help me live the spiritual life. AMEN
(p. 78-80 BB)

10th STEP
God remove the Selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear that has cropped up in my life right now. Help me to discuss this with someone immediately and make amends quickly if I have harmed anyone. Help me to cease fight anything and anyone. Show me where I may be helpful to someone else. Help me react sanely; not cocky or afraid. How can I best serve You - Your will, not mine be done. AMEN (p. 84-5 BB)

11th STEP
"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day 'Thy will be done.' “(p. 87-8 BB)