Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Carnage, simply carnage

I've been giving a bit of thought to that mythical principal the spiritual giants of this word refer to as rigours honesty. To be totally honest in every single situation no matter what the consequences, I mean, really? are you sure? honestly?

The thing is, the idea of total honesty can from time to time sound like a really cool concept, after all don't most of us admire honesty? But where do we draw the line? When will total honesty cause more harm the good? And how do we know? The problem is that up to a point we all love it, trouble is once we go past that point we hardly ever have the ability to be honest.

Of course we lie from time to time, anyone who says they don't are quite frankly lying. I think the folk who claim anything close to total honesty are the ones telling the most lies. Surely its not about being perfectly honest, it can't be about being perfectly anything. My thinking is it has to be about the people around us, the ones who's lives we touch and who's lives touch ours. It seems common sense that if we can learn to practice this stuff with the people close to us, we have half a chance to practice it with the world at large.

So the practice begins at home and some might find you lie just a little from time to time without even thinking about it. Just skip through this one with me.... Your wife of ten years wedges herself into a dress she looked great in eight years and three and a half stone ago. Across the bedroom you notice the terrific stress put on the eight year old fabric, you can see the buttons hanging on by a thread.

As a man of the world you are well aware of the risks. If you move in closer, it could cost you an eye. If the whole row of buttons went it would be like a Gatling Gun, carnage, simply carnage. Then comes the question, "babe, what do you think?" Within a split second you find your self complementing her on the potential dress of death, all the time keeping an escape route in mind for fear that she may blow.

So where is the balance? For me most of the time its fairly straight forward. If I'm lying to cover up something I shouldn't of done in the first place, to cover my own arse, to rip someone off, if it's grounded in self, chances are its gona come back and screw me at some point.

If on the other hand its about the other person, then, and only then I might need to be slightly less then totally honest. When my beloved son starts riding a bike, and falling off all the time, I'll resist the temptation to point out how crap he's doing. I'll lie, I'll look him in the eye and tell him he's doing great, even if he isn't. I'll tell him about Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy, I'll tell him it wont hurt when I know it will, and I'll love him every step of the way. Truth is I'll do this in lots of different ways with lot's of different people, that's my experience, my truth. If I ever tell you a lie, I sincerely hope it's for your good, not mine.