Monday, 29 March 2010


So I'm probably  one of the first to admit the chances of our old green P reg 125,000 mile Escort going through its MOT without a hitch might be a tad unreasonable, but as always, i live in hope.

Today my hope was well and truly extinguished by the MOT tester from hell. I'm not sure how the humble Ford Escort had wronged this man in the past, but wronged him it most certainty had, possible in a sexual manner. The gusto MOT hell man put in  to the test was second to none, I'm confident  Alexander the great would have proudly had this man on side. Once he hoved in to view the poor little Escort had no chance. His attack started fast and low with a crowbar to each front wishbone, at one point the idea that he might flip her clean over entered my mind, then came the hammer. I once knew a chap known by the legend, "give him a hammer and he can do anything", he had fuckall on MOT hell man.

Quietly sat in a far corner of the garage (by this time praying) i listened as he pounded my poor old Escort to within an inch of her life. What Bruce Lee was to the nunchaku, this bastard was to a hammer. As much as i hated what he was doing to my car, i couldn't help admiring him just a little. I imagined the news would be bad as MOT hell man made his way back towards the office clutching a bundle of paper work. How could this trustful little work horse of a car survive another year? would i witness a miracle, a marvel of the power and love built in to every one of those rust ridden Daganam dustbins.

Would i fuck, the fails "sheets" (yes there was more then one) told a tail of woe, pure fucking woe. In a last ditch attempt to save the old duck i asked for a quote to do the work needed. I'm great full to MOT hell man that he had at least enough compassion to resist the temptation to laugh in my face. He simply smiled and told me he would call latter, and call he did. Initial quotes were not good, £400 minimal on a car built in 1996. Yet i still held on to a faint flicker of hope, and fuck me it paid off. I cut the quote in half at another garage and tomorrow my little old green Escort will be going under the spanner. Of course I'll still need to take it back to MOT hell man for the thumbs up, but maybe, just maybe the green pellet will live to fight another day.